It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
