So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
