Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
