remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
