is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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