We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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