I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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