I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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