I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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