I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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