We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
