Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
