just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
