I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
