I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize