remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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