I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
