i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
