please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
