forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
