he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
