hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
