I feel like abortions should bother me more
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
vagina is talking i cant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
