OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
