He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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