I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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