do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have post one night stand depression
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
