Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
