oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
