the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is Oprah even human
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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