I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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