Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
