Having a random hookup so left but love u
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
