I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
