i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
