i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
