Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
