Jerry, you need to find god
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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