I wanna bring you to show and tell
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
