Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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