Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
