just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
