drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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