Is it because I queefed?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
