I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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