Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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