I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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