I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
