he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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