I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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