Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
