shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
