Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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