dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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