Its about making memories worth repressing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
