Pants 0. Shit 1.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
