She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just pee around me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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