the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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