The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
