I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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