Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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