i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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