if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
