a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found your dick twin last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
