i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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