His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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