Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
