For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
