Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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