Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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