i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
