dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Randomize
