I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
