I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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