Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
